peace.

 

 

 

This is the second time I have posted this.

And I didn’t know that until I already posted it this time and I went back through my blog….

Clearly this has rooted itself in my life….

 

It’s so hard to understand peace. It’s such a simple thing yet I really cannot figure it out. I feel like it takes a stronger person than me to look around and see everything going and still be at peace with yourself.

Isn’t that one of the most important things to have? Peace with yourself? Because if you can’t have that peace in your heart then how can the rest of your relationships really mean anything?

“It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”

The last few weeks I have been really focused on figuring out what my plans are for the next few years. Do I transfer schools? Do I study abroad for two years but be really behind? Do I graduate early and focus more on grad school? Do I study abroad in the summer? What do I even want to do with a masters in Global Studies? How do each of these decisions affect my relationships with people? What do I really want for myself?

How do you be at peace with yourself in the middle of all of that?

I don’t know what I want. I have ideas. I have dreams. I have lots of things I would like to try. But what do I really WANT? Does anybody really know that?

It’s hard to be at peace with yourself when you don’t know what you want.

I have a tattoo that says “discover the loveliness of an ordinary moment”.

I got it because that is something that I don’t do. I don’t stop and appreciate things for what they are. I don’t let the little moments of rest be what they should be. And I think part of that is because I don’t want ordinary moments. I want extraordinary moments. But the ordinary moments can be extraordinary. You just have to be at peace with them.

What the hell does that mean? I have no idea. Clearly I am not the person to ask.

I want to be at peace with myself. I want to be happy.

I could just now worry about it. Isn’t that what people tell you? “Just stop worrying. Stop planning everything. Just be.” Okay, I’ll stop planning things and working towards things and then we will see how at peace with life I am once life stops happening because I stopped working for it….

I think people wish that was true. They wish that is they just stopped worrying about things then life would be better. Unnecessary worry does get in the way, I agree. But I don’t think it’s as simple as that.

But I don’t have any other ideas.

seeking peace,

j.